| Reality: The myth that only children are somehow different originated in the late 1800s when the prominent child psychologist G. Stanley Hall declared being an only child is “a disease in itself.” Hall’s research, however, focused on rural areas where a child without siblings might go months without seeing another child. Today, children are surrounded by opportunities to socialize with their peers.
Studies have found that the only common traits among only children are a slightly higher achievement motivation and slightly higher verbal ability. Experts agree that parenting is what makes the difference in a child’s behavior.
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Reality: Children with siblings are just as likely to be spoiled as only children, says Michael Bradley, PhD, a Feasterville, PA psychologist and author of Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy! (Harbor Press, $14.95). Sure there are parents who indulge their child’s every wish — some are parents of only children and some are parents of multiple children.
“Kids not getting what they want is a gift because they learn to tolerate frustration and understand the joy of earning what they need,” says Dr. Bradley. “Studies have shown that kids who were given money to go out and get the toy they wanted were much less happy than those who earned the money and then got the toy.”
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Reality: “Only children tend to be more independent,” says Dr. Bradley. “Siblings tend to step in and help each other, especially older siblings for younger ones. Only children have to figure things out on their own, often making them more resilient.”
Studies indicate parents of only children sometimes seek help for their child and educate themselves about parenting more readily than other parents. However, there is no evidence that their children are less resilient or independent. “If a child says he’s lonely, put the problem in the child’s lap. Let your child make the call to a friend instead of setting something up yourself,” Dr. Bradley advises.
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